Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
