Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
