She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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