I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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