so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
