Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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