I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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