They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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