this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
