and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
