Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
