You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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