She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
