apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
