FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
