I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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