If that was your dad, he is hot
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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