So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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