The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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