i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
