Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
