I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You made out with two different species that night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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