Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
