checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize