u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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