U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
