On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
