Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
