I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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