I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
