Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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