I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm passing your future prison.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
