I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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