tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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