I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
