Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
