I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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