angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
