The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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