All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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