Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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