Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
