I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
