she woke up with a sticky ear
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's just like the Real World with babies
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
