My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
