I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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