I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
