I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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