5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
