it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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