Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
