last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
