I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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