can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
