In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
