I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
