please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize