We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
