omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
