And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
