We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
