were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
