16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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