I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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