your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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