i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
